//For those who are here for my reviews, feel free to skip. 🙂 I wrote this short last night on a whim. This has been on my mind for some time now. I created this as a conversation between two main characters in one of my WIPs, but then it changed a bit, and I let it. It’s a rough draft: perhaps a bit lacking in the focus and the magic I’d intended for it to have. So please forgive its unedited glory. Or lack thereof. I’ll have you decide in the comments below. Also prepare yourself for stars and BTS quotes. 😉 //
This is for all the wanderers and lonely hearts in this world.
If you’re reading this, know that this is for you. And for me.
That feeling of emptiness hits you again. It’s like you’ve hit a wall. Or entered a room without windows or doors. And you’re suffocating. And you’re not sure how to get out.
You’re not sure if you want to anymore.
It happens when you see your friends happy in their seemingly all-figured-out lives, when you hear the story of David and Jonathan (“he loved him as his own soul”), when you read that romance (or, for those like me who don’t really read “romance,” just any romantic subplots in stories), especially the good ones. The ones you actually like reading about, the ones you ship, or stan, or root for, or whatever you want to call it.
It happens when you see a charming smile, a beautiful face, a pair of eyes that make you feel like they can see your soul, but at the same time a voice in your head whispers the reminder that they don’t really know you.
And that’s when you wonder if it’s ever going to happen. If you’re ever going to find that That One Person. That Soulmate. In the form of a friend, or Found family, or lover.
That One Person you can be comfortable with, talk openly to, fight alongside with, laugh with, cry with.
You try to be prepared. And look nice – or hopefully a bit better than nice, something more along the lines of being impressive. You fix your posture and stand a bit taller.
You’re not the only one struggling. That feeling of Emptiness is not there for nothing. It’s painful. I know.
You can read. You can watch movies. You can listen to music. You can chat with people online. You can write letters. You do everything you can do to distract yourself.
But in the end, you’re sitting there. Alone.
It’s a scary five letter word.
What to do?
Yes, you have parents. You know you take them for granted sometimes. You want to change that. You need to change that. Appreciate them more. Love them more. Obey them more. Like you know you’re supposed to. And you know you want to.
But you also know, deep down, that they’re not and never will be your equals. They are not supposed to be. They’re your parents. They’re older, wiser, and superior. I’m not saying that in a condescending way, simply that is the natural order of things. Therefore, you know that you shall always have some level of guard up while around them. Despite knowing how much they love and care for you, it’s still different. And that’s okay.
You wish you had a sibling. But you don’t. Or maybe you do but you’re not close. And sometimes you think no one else knows what that feels like, simply because most people around you tend to have large families who sounds like they’re close to each other.
When you’re around your peers, you want to be liked and loved so much you tweak yourself. You build that persona. You act more extroverted. You show the parts of yourself that you’re fairly certain that they’d like.
And then you wonder if they know who you truly are and what you’re really like, will they care for you anymore?
I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. I am there. Struggling.
So what to do?
First. Never compromise on Biblical Standards. “Don’t bend and you won’t break.” I keep thinking of that line from “Fool’s Gold” by Colton Dixon. Live by that. Remind yourself. Every day. It’s going be hard. Because everything around you is going to push you to all sorts of other directions. Directions you don’t really want to go. You may feel like you do. But that road is the wide one. So don’t even start going there.
If you start bending, it may never stop.
You won’t regret it.
Second. Be yourself. Love yourself. See yourself as God sees you.
And this is important: Loving yourself doesn’t mean to embrace yourself as a whole and perfect being as you are. Because if you’re honest with yourself, you know you’re not. Loving means being honest about recognizing the parts within you that are good and keep those, and also recognizing the parts of you that are destructive, sinful, and change.
Love is discipline. And that’s what you will do.
It helps to talk to Him. Ask Him about how He sees you, what He thinks. Ask for wisdom and guidance and strength. Admit you’re feeling weak. And forsaken. And alone. He knows and feels it all.
Third. Patience and persistence. You’ve heard of this one before, I’m sure. So how to keep it fresh? Put before yourself role models who exhibit the above. Those who are full of grace, who are kind, who are genuine in their struggles, who are clever, who are competent, who exudes that irresistible spark of fire called innocence that is so undervalued.
I hope that on one fine and lovely day, you’ll find That One Person. I do. Yet it’s not a guarantee that it will be right away. But that doesn’t mean that you give up. That doesn’t mean you stop looking for them. That doesn’t mean that you have to walk alone. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to your parents openly right now, to ask for their affection, affirmation, support, guidance. Everything your parents are there for you for.
As for me, I wish I can meet you. I wish I can listen while you tell me your story and let you hear mine. I wish I can embrace you. Because I know your heart is feeling lonely, but you are not alone. I wish I can look you in the eyes and tell you that your pain and tears are not useless or forgotten.
For now, even though we cannot see each other, I want to encourage you. I hope reading this encourages you. It’s what I’ve found out for myself.
Stay Strong and Faithful.
The title Mikrokosmos references the ancient Greek philosophy of microcosm, the perception of viewing humans as their own little world or mikros kosmos. Humans are observed in relation to the universe, and, when the universe was first studied, kosmos translated closer to the modern ideal of order. In a broader sense, microcosm studies the harmonious relationship of each individual in parallel to everything else, which continues BTS’ narrative of self discovery and persona.from https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-bts-mikrokosmos-english-translation-lyrics
Turn on the CC for English translation of the lyrics in the video below. They’re beautiful.